Is it so wrong?

Ok, you want current events?! Fine. You'll probably wish for the happy childhood stories of me falling into snowdrifts or wandering around in the night after this. Welcome to the current debate in my head: I like the taste of baby food. Is this healthy? Specifically I enjoy liquefied vegetables and fruits. They're surprisingly good. And pure I think. And there is a bonus: they arrive in cute little jars. Each food is one color and they all line up in nice rows in the stores. Is this bad? Everyone eats yams on the holidays...and mashed cranberries...and jam on toast...ketchup? Honestly people. The problem (well, one of them) is expense. Why should I pay 72 cents for 2.5 ounces of vegetable, you ask? Well, I don't have a food processor. And if I blended my own, I wouldn't get the adorable container. Wait, how do I know how much mashed peas cost? I admit I have indulged in the past two days (is this current enough? I'm putting my soul on the line here) in three tiny jars of sweet potatoes. I had a craving. They are sugar-filled and I love sugar. Hey, it's better than the five boxes of girl scout cookies I wolfed over the last couple weeks. Those go down faster in solid form. I now have a healthy ring of cookies around my waist. Cool. And you wonder why I wear strangely-patterned bathing suits.

If you're squeamish, skip this paragraph. When I was five years old (ok ok, it's not current but it helps explain the history behind my love for baby food. Or at least shows there is a history. Or something) my brother got to eat baby food all the time and I was jealous. He also rubbed butter in his hair, and of this I was not envious. His hair smelled of butter for the first three years of his life. My mom rationed out bites of apricots or pears or whatever delicious thing Wyeth was eating from time to time and I loved it. I would immediately run to my room with the mouthful and after swishing it around I'd spit it into a little plastic cup I kept in the closet. I was a closet baby food hoarder! Literally...(closet...get it? HA).I wanted to preserve it for later. After a while the contents of the cup blackened. This may have been because the foods were all different colors (peas, carrots, berries, I don't even know. It's all a blur), or it could have been because I hid them in there until they grew. It is with shame that I recall this.

Parents of Tin Woodsman babies, don't fret. I didn't eat your infants' food. Unless it accidentally ended up all over me. Then I would lick it off my fingers. Or sweatshirt sleeve. Sometimes if I wasn't sure whether it was sweet potatoes (my fave) or carrots I'd ask unsuspecting Anna, Oliver, or Moses for a taste. It turns out they love to share! Such sweet little enablers. They're almost always willing to share green foods, but are stingy with the pears. Good thing I don't discriminate.